Mikaela Brewer is a writer, novelist, speaker, researcher, and mental health advocate. She played varsity basketball for Stanford University from 2016-2020 where she earned a B.S. in Human Biology (brain, behaviour & mental health), a minor in Creative Writing, and a Notation in Science Communication. She has also represented Canada on youth National teams. As a multidisciplinary writer and content creator, Mikaela is passionate about exploring the intersection of science and storytelling.
Could you talk about your past struggles with mental health?
As a very young kid, probably about six or seven when I was in elementary school or even kindergarten, I started experiencing symptoms of OCD (Obsessive-compulsive disorder) and depression, and I didn’t really know how to handle it. That developed for me over the years, and it changed and shifted as I grew up and held different responsibilities. Ultimately, that got much worse in my later teenage years, when I was 18 or 19 heading off to college, and it really peaked for me in my freshmen year. I had a mental health crisis in February, 2017; I was 19. I was in the hospital and spent a lot of time there going through some intensive therapy and treatment, and tried to figure out how to navigate things. Then I gradually progressed out of that into more regular weekly therapy sessions, which were really helpful. That’s also where I’m at today - I’m still navigating that. I think OCD and depression are always going to be a part of my experience as a human, and I’m constantly learning how to navigate that.
When did you start to realize the importance of mental health?
I would say that I realized the importance of it when I was really really struggling with it, but I didn’t necessarily know what mental health meant. I think I just knew that I was feeling pain, and that I was struggling, but I didn’t know how to talk about it or verbalize it, or where to look for help. I guess I didn’t realize the importance of talking to people and that talking about it is okay until later in the hospital after that crisis moment. There’s a bit of a difference there - when I was a teenager I knew what I was feeling, and I knew that it wasn’t good, but now in my 20s, I think I have a better grasp of mental health being an important conversation and how to have this conversation.
What kind of treatments did you receive?
I was using different kinds of medication like Zoloft, a pretty common SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors; an antidepressant) for depression; sometimes it is prescribed for OCD as well, just for higher doses. I also was at the Stanford depression clinic working with a specialist there. For OCD, I also received exposure therapy. It was terrible but helpful.
What does recovery mean to you?
I guess I want to start by saying that, I think there’s a lot of misconceptions about what recovery means, and I think a lot of people see it as getting to the other side of a bridge, like you make it to the other side of an experience, and then it's like, “okay that’s in your past, it’s behind you”, but I think that’s not necessarily the case. I think it’s something you carry with you. A lot of times you have to revisit in order to navigate life, reflect, and move forward. Sometimes reopening that wound is more painful than the actual experience in the first place, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you haven’t progressed, haven’t learned, or haven’t grown. So, I would say it’s very complicated, and recovery in the sense of the word is a bit different from recovery from a broken bone - a broken bone will recover completely, almost back to normal, but with mental health it’s a bit different, especially really intense crisis moment or experience, you’ll carry it with you for the rest of your life, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t recover from it and heal from it.
What is your perspective on mental health? How did your past experience affect your view on mental health?
My past experiences have shaped everything I have chosen to do and advocate for. I would say that mental health is not a binary. We all have mental health, every single person does, and everyone is somewhere on this continuum. On one side of the continuum you’re doing super well, you feel good and healthy, but on the other side it may be a crisis and severe mental illness. Everybody is somewhere on that continuum. I think it’s a big change for me to view it that way and view it as I’ll be somewhere on that continuum at all times. Does that mean that I have to be categorized as mentally ill all the time? I don’t think so. I think having awareness of where you are on that continuum is important and something that gets overlooked a lot.
What work have you been doing as a mental health advocate?
I like to write, so I’m a writer primarily. I work in mental health care research and neuroscience, and more specifically in Sports Psychology with athletes. I am the Head of Research with Timeout Software right now, which is a mental health app for athletes. My work is really just reorganizing and expanding mental health delivery, which is really exciting. I also write a lot, sharing people’s stories and experiences authentically. I love writing, whether that is about my story or somebody else’s. I guess to sum that up, it’s an interconnection between storytelling and writing, and science and research.
What are some things you do to take care of yourself?
Honestly, it’s just really really small things like drinking enough water, trying to eat well, which I’m really grateful that I learned those things as an athlete. I guess it’s about finding the little moments during the day between meetings, between classes, between the chaos that’s going on in your life, and taking that time to breathe and pause and just tell yourself that you’re going to get through whatever it is you have to do next. It’s about taking that time to reassure yourself. Especially nowadays so much is still virtual, there’s not always people around us anymore to actually validate that physically, and so sometimes you have to do it for yourself. I’ve been working on trying to do that and finding the little moments in between my day. I also play the piano as an outlet, and it’s really fun. Having outlets is really important, especially because these are the things that are not related to any of your obligations.
What advice would you give to people who struggle with mental health?
I would say that, first, you're not alone by any means. Everybody at some point, I believe, will struggle with their mental health, so you’re not alone. I would also say that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it’s not a sign that you’re weak-spirited or not mentally tough or any of those words that get thrown around; it is the ultimate sign of strength. Just because you have a mental health struggle or illness or anything doesn’t mean that you are incapable of things. For me, after going through a crisis, I was like, okay, now I am incapable of school and being a good athlete, but it wasn’t true, definitely wasn’t true. Mental health struggles do not render you incapable.
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